Man About Murfreesboro - blog - funny - politics

My mother celebrates the 20th anniversary of her 39th birthday today. Next year, we both turn 40.

"We'll have to do something special," she said. No one wonders where I get my "gift" for sarcasm.

Dollie and I attended the funeral of Ricky Crick, recently. He is my brother Scott's father-in-law. I didn't know him very well, but I do know that he treated Scott like his own son and my brother thought the world of him. The funeral home was packed with mourners. Dolls and I sat in one of the overflow rooms and listened as Scott told the crowd about the man that obviously meant so much to him and his family. Like I said, I didn't know him well. But I left feeling I knew him a little better and that he would be dearly missed.

In Florida, a woman was acquitted on aggravated child abuse charges when the jury determined that the actions weren't done as punishment and didn't cause any permanent damage. The mother shaved her 13 year old daughter's head to make her less attractive to boys. Then she held her down while a "friend" pierced her genitals so that sex would be uncomfortable.

It turns out the 13-year-old girl was having sex with mom's boyfriend. The "friend" who did the piercing got a year in jail and the mother's boyfriend has a warrant out, presumably for statutory rape. The daughter got the mental and physical scars. Mom got to go home and, to protect the identity of her daughter, wasn't even identified publicly.

The House passed a new version of the SCHIP bill. I'm loving this strategy. The new bill addresses the "concerns" of the Republican holdouts: it specifically denies coverage to undocumented immigrants, parents without children and anyone with a household income above 300 percent of the poverty line which is about $61,950 for a family of four.

If the Republicans who voted against the bill were really concerned about children and the deficiencies in this bill, like many of them argued on the House floor, then they should be willing to vote for the bill, right?

In fact, none of the Republicans who voted against it last time changed their vote and one who voted for it last time, voted against it this time on the grounds that there wasn't enough input by Republicans.

The Senate will most likely pass the bill with a veto-proof majority, meaning the president will quietly veto the bill again. If that happens, the House will pass an extension of the current program through summer and schedule another vote on the issue in September of next year, where a vote against a bipartisan bill to provide health care to poor children will cause the most political damage.

SCHIP was originally a Republican program passed during the Clinton administration. It has been successful at helping millions of children receive private health care insurance (not socialized medicine). In 2004, President Bush promised to expand the program, but in his most recent budget, he cut funds for SCHIP. The program is wildly popular amongst governors of both parties and the public.

You know, the book series is over. Why out Dumbledore now? It's not like you're going to sell more books and you're giving the rightwingers another reason to hate you. Debating the sexuality of fictional characters is a distraction from important topics.

Bill O'Reilly (R-idiot) is having a coniption. It gauls him no end that someone might teach his child that tolerance of homosexuals is a good thing.

I've never read a Harry Potter book. I've no intention of starting now. But I assume that, since this is the first we're hearing about it, there is nothing overtly sexual about Dumbledore in the books. So, this debate is pointless.

Then there is this poor bastard who had Dumbledore's face tattooed on his back. Now his co-workers are laughing at him. Or more than they were before.

Now that the NYT has lifted the wall that hid their opinion columnists behind a subscription service, you can read Paul Krugman's blog. If you're fascinated by charts, graphs and diatribes on economic history (and who isn't) you'll enjoy it.

In Florida. An interesting wrinkle in the last one. The teacher, a 33-year-old special ed instructor, had sex with a 16-year-old mentally disabled student. Plus, another student was suspended two weeks ago for telling on the teacher.

FEMA held a press conference to talk about the response to the California fires. As you can imagine, it was a hard-hitting affair in which Vice Adm. Harvey E. Johnson, FEMA deputy administrator, answered rapid-fire questions from dogged reporters. Or not. It turns out that most of the questions were pretty softball and came from FEMA staffers posing as reporters.

Today marked a milestone in Rozzy's young life. She went on her first school field trip. She's been very excited. I know this because she's told me.

"I'm very excited about my field trip, papa," she said on at least a dozen occasions over the last week.

"Yes, yes," replied Dollie. "Uphill both ways in the snow and you etched your homework on the back of coal shovel by the light of a whale oil lamp."

She's always undermining my attempts to become the crotchety old coot I know I can be.

Sen. Ted Stevens (R-Alaska) is in trouble for allegedly accepting bribes in exchange for earmarks. You'll recall that Stevens was the author of the bridge to nowhere that was removed at the last minute and caused him to have a fit on the Senate floor.

Anyhoo, Sen. Stevens has hired super-powered white-collar defense lawyer Brendan Sullivan to take his case. Sulliven just made the Washingtonian's list of most influencial lawyers and lobbyists in D.C. Here (with a hat tip to TPM) is what he had to say:

I drive a 2000 VW Jetta. It's a nice, little zippy 5-speed that handles well and I've very happy with it. While driving, I listen to Sirius via a unit that transmits on an FM frequency that I tune in to the car stereo. The sound is good and I really like the programming available.

The Jetta has an antenna on the back of the roof, which is the part that picks up FM transmission from the Sirius box. Because of the location of the car's antenna and the relatively few blank frequencies on the FM dial in this market, if another car is also using Sirius or XM radio, I can pick up their signal as they drive by.

So, one second I'm listening to the AP Radio News and the next, a trucker has overtaken me and changed the audio in my car.

"Former Pakastani Prime Minister Benazir Bhutto said today that the suicide bombers . . .kzzzzsht"

"She's a brick house/ She's mighty, mighty/ Just lettin' it all hang out . . . kzzzzsht"

While it was a little annoying at first, I've come to enjoy it because it gives me a little glimpse into the lives of my fellow commuters. Just the other day a truck, loaded with heavy equipment, passed me on the interstate. As the guy drove by, my radio changed from Mojo Nixon's drive time show on Outlaw Country to the Spice Girls singing "If You Want To Be My Lover."

If traffic is at a standstill, as is often the case on I-24 in the morning and the confluence of commuters has me stuck next to a fellow satellite radio user, my radio becomes a hostage to the whims of my neighbor. Recently, this happened while I was listening to the "Bill Press Show." Just as Bill was gearing up to interview some senator or other on the SCHIP legislation, I'm listening to Howard Stern talk about the "enormous cans" on some in-studio guest.

I am uncertain of the appeal of "The Howard Stern Show," but he has a following and I'm all for freedom of expression. But even the most die-hard fan must admit that 20 minutes of his show, out of context with no prior listening experience can be hellish. I had no idea who anyone was, what they were talking about or why Sirius would pay him millions of dollars so he could cuss on the radio.

To each his own, I guess. Then I find out that this is a problem for other people too. And that the FCC investigated XM over having FM modulators that were too powerful. I wonder how all this will shake out.

Some are embracing it. I read a story about a guy who transmits his iPod signal over an FM modulator and puts the frequency on a bumper sticker so that fellow travelers can intentionally tune in to the mad tracks he's laying down.

I just wonder how many of the people on the road are listening to my radio as I drive by.

When I was little, I used to climb into my grandfather's lap while he read me the comics out of the Shelbyville Times-Gazette. He read every one, even the ones I thought were boring and unfunny. There was no stopping him, no getting him to skip over them, he read them all. I still read the comics everyday, and until recently, I skipped over most of them.

But lately, I've been reading a new blog (new to me, anyway) called "The Comics Curmudgeon" in which the author comments on daily newspaper strips with particular emphasis on the soap opera strips so many of us skip over: Mary Worth, Judge Parker, Apartment 3-G, Gil Thorp, Rex Morgan M.D., Mark Trail, etc...

He has a good eye for details and brings out the humor the occasional reader misses. He also has a good memory for previous plots and helps with character development. The sarcasm is strong in this one, padwan.

It is coming up on Halloween. This year, it is on a Wednesday night, church night for many folks. At a recent family gathering, my brother Dan announced that he would not be cancelling church for "Satan's favorite holiday." I argued that Satan's favorite holiday was probably Superbowl Sunday, seeing as how more people missed church for that than for Halloween.

After much consideration, Max has chosen to be a ninja for Halloween. Specifically, a white ninja, the costume for which we found on sale for $5. We found a sword and some throwing stars at the dollar store and viola! One ancient Japanese assasin and enemy of the samauri.

He came to this decision after deciding on Gamorrean guard (we talked him out of this one as they don't make a costume and constructing one would be a nightmare) and Strong Bad (which he decided to nix when he determined that no one would recogize who he was).

Rozzy wants to be a cat. But not just any cat. A pink cat. No costume under $40 has suited her and he does NOT want Dollie to make her one. The fact that Dollie has years of experience as a costumer and make-up artist cuts no ice with Rozzy.

We took them to Halloween Express, a storefront that popped up overnight near our house. Inside, they hid their eyes through most of the store as the decorations were too scary. I covered their eyes through part of the store as the costumes were too slutty. In the end Rozzy had to be carried out and Max led out because neither of them would risk opening their eyes.

Today is the beginning of the Southern Festival of Books. I have a friend who organizes and runs the annual event and I'm sure she's running around like a decapitated chicken right now. Good luck to her.

"The Big Bang Theory"
Funny stuff. The cold openings for the second two episodes have been tight, well-written and strike at the core of my geeky soul. Some of the best comedy dialogue in the traditional sitcom settting. Which is to say that it is better than . . .

"Back To You"
Eh. I've watched a couple of episodes, but I have to say this just isn't grabbing me. It's not particularly funny (with the exception of Fred Willard) and there is nothing, nadda, zero that is new or innovative about it. It will probably last 12 seasons.

"Life"
So far, I've only seen the pilot, but I like the show. I want to see where they're going with it. It's about a cop who spent the last 12 years in prison for a crime he didn't commit. DNA evidence got him out and a nice multimillion-dollar settlement, so he's back on the force and using the skills he learned in prison to solve crimes. It sounds trite, but there are subtleties in the character that are very appealing.

"Journeyman"
I watched the pilot and found it a little confusing. I'll keep at it for another epiosode or two, but I'm not hopeful.

"Reaper"
I like this a lot. There is some good dialogue, an interesting premise, I'm a fan of the lead actor. Plenty of reasons to watch. The fact that it is on CW and therefore not in HD, is about the only thing I have against it.

"Bionic Woman"
I'm three episodes in and I still can't make up my mind. I wish Starbuck was still on "Battlestar Galactica" and they didn't turn her into a cylon for this series. I'll keep watching, but I don't think it will last.

"Big Shots"
This is a fun show that will have no audience. It has been described (somewhat acurately) as a "Sex In the City" for men. That's close, but not really on the nose. It's about four friends who are company CEOs and the entanglements that they get into. I watched it because Christopher Titus and Dylan McDermott are in it. But, in general, women aren't going to like it and men aren't going to care, so this one isn't going anywhere. Enjoy it while you can. Any women viewers will probably switch to "Lipstick Jungle" when it premiers on NBC

"Pushing Daisies"
This is an innovative show with some great characters and plot devices. ABC is pushing it hard and I hope it does well. The pilot of very funny and they handled the improbable premise well enough by simply not handling it. A pie maker is able to raise the dead with a touch. If he touches them again, they die permanently. If he lets them live for more than a minute, a random person in the proximity will die instead. He has a dead girlfriend and dog, neither of which can touch him. I'd have loved to have been in that pitch meeting.

"Chuck"
I watched the pilot and liked it very much. I've got two more episodes waiting for me to find time. I have high hopes for this one, even though it is a dramady with a stupid premise. It is a tossup between this show and "Reaper" as to which as the goofiest annoying sidekick character.

I've come to the conclusion that, despite my best efforts, it is not possible for me to watch every new show. I missed the "Moonlight" pilot (no big loss, we've seen the "modern-day-vampire-as-crimesolver" plot before. I skipped "Cane" and "K-Ville." "Nashville was canceled before I could bother to tune in. I plan on skipping "Women's Murder Club" and "Samantha Who?" despite the presence of Christina Applegate and Jean Smart. I may try to catch "Cavemen" and "Carpoolers" just for the trainwreck value.

Dollie and I watched (and enjoyed) Season 5 of "Trailer Park Boys." I've written about it before – its a Canadian series that takes place in a trailer park. It is full of foul language, drug humor, violence, gunplay and some of the stupidest characters you'd ever want to see. But it is laugh-out-loud funny.

Rozzy lost her first tooth today. It has been hanging on by a thread for a couple of days now, but it's gone. And most likely swallowed. She plans on leaving the tooth fairy a note explaining what happened.

Evidently the Queen of the Harpies' comments during the Limbaugh and O'Reilly imbroglios weren't enough to get her the press attention she needs to get her new book on the best seller list. So Ann Coulter decided to go after the Jews.

It seems Rush Limbaugh can't take the heat. After screaming for the Senate to castigate MoveOn.org for their "General Betray Us" ad, he now feels that senators shouldn't be wasting time trying to attack him over his "phony soldiers" comments.

How do we know Rush is lying? I mean aside from the fact that his lips are moving. Because his explanations about his comments keep shifting.

On Sept. 28, Rush referred to other "phoney soldiers" including Rep. Jack Murtha. So, VoteVets.org, an organization of veterans who are against the war in Iraq produced an ad:

As you can see it is a powerful piece with a central message: Hey, Rush, say it to my face.

The next day, Rush says "You know, this is such a blatant use of a valiant combat veteran, lying to him about what I said, then strapping those lies to his belt, sending him out via the media in a TV ad to walk into as many people as he can walk into."

In other words, Rush compared this guy to a suicide bomber.

Yesterday, after taking some major heat for it, Rush backpedals:

"I called him a hero. I called him a hero. The other reference is to where the drive-by media runs in, blows things up, creates all these messes, and then heads on down the road to create another one. I called him a suicide bomber -- you see how this works. I didn't call anybody who legitimately serves a "phony soldier." I didn't call this guy a suicide bomber."

As Rush was wont to often say during the Clinton administration "Words mean things."

Then, Rush has a huge diatribe in which he yells at Sen. Harry Reid for calling Rush out on his BS on the Senate floor. Rush's message to Sen. Reid: Hey, Sen. Reid, say it to my face. So in the end, Rush is not only a coward for not bringing on the Vote Vets guys, but a copycat for using their message against Sen. Reid. Were there a god of irony, he would have struck him down where he sat in front of hi urine-colored microphone.

Moving on we find that Ann "Queen of the Harpies" Coulter doesn't like it when O'Reilly and Rush get all the attention afforded right-wing wack jobs in the media. So, she has to come up with something really insane to say to bring herself back to the forefront.

	If we took away women's right to vote, we'd never have to worry about another Democrat president. It's kind of a pipe dream, it's a personal fantasy of mine, but I don't think it's going to happen. And it is a good way of making the point that women are voting so stupidly, at least single women.

Maybe we should take her vote away. After all, she's the one who is under investigation for voter fraud in Florida. She voted in Palm Beach, Fla. listing an address of a house she didn't actually live in. Now there's some speculation that she also committed tax fraud by taking a homestead exemption on a house where she doesn't actually live.

James Dobson, the head of Focus on the Family, threatened to lead a conservative Christian revolt if the GOP nominates Rudy Guilaini for president. Now he's in a pickle because if Guiliani is nominated, he either has to change his tune and back a pro-choice, pro-gay rights, serial adulterer candidate or hand the election over to the Democrats.

I'm popping popcorn.

The Cohen brothers have a new film due out in the fall called "No Country For Old Men" based on a novel by Cormac McCarthy. As with any Cohen film, I'm am at once intrigued and fearful. It's a modern western about a guy who finds a suitcase full of cash that belongs to a very bad man. The case also contains a geo-tracking device, so the very bad man is a'comin'.

Some people think the Cohens are hit and miss, but I love them all. Sure, plenty of people like "Raising Arizona," "Fargo," "The Big Lebowski" and "Oh Brother, Where Art Thou." But how many people sat through "Barton Fink" more than once? How many people bought "The Man Who Wasn't There" the day it came out on DVD? Heck, who owns a copy of "Blood Simple?" Heck, I own a copy of "The LadyKillers."

This guy. In fact, the Cohen's films are just about the only films I buy. I'm still missing a few. I don't own "Miller's Crossing," "Barton Fink," "The Hudsucker Proxy" or "Intolerable Cruelty." I've lent out my copies of "Blood Simple" and "The Man Who Wasn't There" (and have no idea to whom, now that I think about it).

The point of all this is that they have a new one coming out and I, for one, am very excited. I'm just wondering how Steve Buscemi will die in this one.

I've been playing a lot of "Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion" lately. I bought the game when I first got my Xbox 360 and played it for about three sessions before I gave up in frustration. I picked it back up again recently because, with the release of the "Game of the Year Edition" I keep reading about how cool it is.

Persistence has paid off, somewhat. I'm making my way tentatively through the main quest. But it's the side quests that make this game. It is so wide open that you really don't have to do anything. Once you finish the tutorial level (escape from the sewers beneath the prison) you can spend the rest of your game picking mushrooms for all anyone cares.

My character spends a lot of time harvesting various plant seeds, pulps, leaves, roots and mushroom caps. My alchemy skill is higher than any of the others. Sure, she can't swing a sword all that well, she's not all that adept at casting spells, she can't wear heavy armor or talk the birds from the trees, but she can brew up a heck of a potion.

And yes, I said "she." I set up a female character for the game. For gamers, it's no big deal, but it sort of freaked Max and Rozzy out.

Between O'Reilly's racist rant about Sylvia's Restaurant and Rush's "phoney soldiers" comments, I'm sensing a serious right-wing meltdown in the offing.

Here's the thing. I've listened to the tapes of both these incidents (the real tapes, not the edited one Rush posted and claimed it was "the complete transcript") and I've come to some conclusions.

1. O'Reilly didn't mean to be racist, but his remarks were insensitive and dumb. If you listen to him, there is an interpretation you can take (and it is an extremely generous one) in which what he says is actually a castigation of those who have racist views. What hangs me up is that he didn't frame it well. He said "And I couldn't get over the fact that there was no difference between Sylvia's restaurant and any other restaurant in New York City. I mean, it was exactly the same, even though it's run by blacks, primarily black patronship."

Now, in the context of a discussion about race and how racists need to understand that there is no difference between a black restaurant and a white one, you can be charitable and say that O'Reilly was trying to be helpful, here. But the fact remains that he said that he couldn't get over the fact – implying that he was surprised that this was the case. That's what gives me pause.

O'Reilly (who is an idiot, by the way) hates Media Matters for America. Hates them with a white hot passion because he says they disseminate propaganda, attack him personally and take what he says out of context. That's the big one. Every right-wing jerk who gets called on his crap (with the exception of Ann Coulter who, to her credit, steps right up and lays claim to her crap) says that he was taken out of context.

If you read Media Matters for America, you'll see that all they do is provide audio and transcripts of what O'Reilly actually said, complete with context. Look at the item on the Sylvia's comment. It's all there.

Then there's Rush. He said he was taken out of context when he was caught agreeing with a caller who said soldiers who are against the war in Iraq are fake. Limbaugh used the term "phoney soldiers." When Media Matters for America highlighted the quote (again, in context with full audio) he said it was out of context and he was talking about Jesse MacBeth, a publicity whore who made false claims about his military service and got caught. But MaBeth didn't actually come up until nearly two minutes after the phoney soldier comment.

So, according to Rush, when he said "phoney soldiers" (plural) he was referring to Jesse MacBeth (singular) nearly two minutes before he was actually talking about MacBeth. To prove his point, he edited the transcript to cut out 1 minute and 35 seconds of talk between his comment and the subject of MacBeth. Then claimed it was "the entire transcript." He said he was talking about "one phoney soldier" but he said "phoney soldiers."

Dollie came home from class last night and had something to eat before working on a paper that was due today. I played my game as she delved into the minutia that is the debate between public and academic history. We caught up mostly by exchanging headlines.

"What kind of mother do you have to be if you can't keep your kids away from Federline?"

This morning, President Bush vetoed legislation to expand health care coverage for poor children by increasing the federal cigarette tax. There was no Rose Garden ceremony, no press conference and no fanfare. It was just Bush quietly signing off on denying health care to 4 million children who's parents earn too much to qualify for Medicare, but not enough to afford health insurance.

And even though the bill passed both houses with a solid majority (enough to override a veto in the Senate) the House Republicans have doomed the bill.

I have a flash drive that I use to store this blog. The wonders of modern re-writable media are great to behold. They keep making them smaller and smaller, yet able to hold more and more porn.

I'm sorry, did I say that outloud? I just read a story about a state rep. in Ohio named Mathew H. Barrett. Barrett, a Democrat (sheesh) was at a local high school giving a lecture to a government class when he put his thumb drive into a laptop.

Ha! It was a gift! I don't like nude women! I mean I don't know anything about nude women! I mean I don't know where that directory of nude women came from!

What's almost as funny as this lame excuse is that after telling the principal about it, the superintendent, the local police, the school's IT director and the highway patrol were all brought in to pretend they didn't understand how the nude images got on the perv's flash drive.

When you insert removable media in a Windows machine, you are given the option to 1) do nothing; 2) view images in slideshow; and 3) open the drive. You can also set one of these actions as a default. I'm betting that the computer at the school has, as a default setting, "View images as slideshow."

But no. Let's just waste our law enforcement agency's precious time and resources.

Speaking of porn (and then I'll stop). The Iowa State Fair is considering ending the annual "Erotic Corndog Eating Contest."