Man About Murfreesboro - blog - funny - politics

I watched "The Stephanie Miller Show" on MSNBC yesterday. I regularly listen to it on the radio as I drive home, but she is filling in the Imus slot for a few days, so I recorded it. In honor of her return, albeit temporarily, to television, let's play "Guess the Quote."

Both of these quotes are from then-governor George Bush when he was criticizing President Clinton over Kosovo. Back in 1999, Republicans not only had no qualms about criticizing a sitting president in times of war, but demanded timetables, benchmarks and exit strategies.

I bring this up because Bush plans on vetoing the current emergency spending bill because it contains benchmarks, timetables and an exit strategy. It should be worth noting that the benchmarks in the bill are ones Bush set forth and the timetables are non-binding. Yet Bush won't sign it because he wants a blank check to fight this war. And he wants to fight it forever.

Today marks the 4th anniversary of Bush's PR stunt on the deck of the Abraham Lincoln in which he announced that major combat operations in Iraq were over. It's known as the "Mission Accomplished" speech, but he never said those words. They were on a banner behind him.

This war is costing us, our children and their children more than $500 billion and there is no end in sight. But Bush fully believes that he's right and that God has declared he should do this. According to the Nelson Report (a sort of insider's newsletter for the DC set) Bush is in full-on bunker mentality mode:

We're also hearing that Obama and Clinton are sniping big money donors from Bush's camp. Buckley wrote a piece in the National Review about the long-term damage Bush and his war is doing in Iraq.

And why is this an emergency spending bill? Because Bush and the Republicans who, until recently, ran the government refused to put the war in the budget -- thereby hiding the real cost. By keeping the war off budget, he only has to come to the congress every few months for another few billion rather than ask for it all at once. Those bills are going to come due.

Miss America Lauren Nelson helped Suffolk County, New York law enforcement with a sting operation to catch online sexual predators by posing as a teenager and inviting them to her home. They arrested 11 pervs, but the cases may in jeopardy because Nelson doesn't plan on coming back to town for the trials. Without her testimony, prosecutors may not be able to get a conviction.

The thing is, if she spoke with the perv, then he has the right to ask her questions in court. That means Miss America is going to have to get up on the witness stand. She participated as part of an episode of "America's Most Wanted." In other words, it was a PR stunt. But now it's going to backfire on her. Miss America has a very busy schedule and testifying at 11 different trials will take a big chunk out of the time normally set aside for ribbon cuttings and inspirational speeches.

Tennessee is getting ready to lift the ban on capital punishment. I guess three months of not being able to kill somebody was too much.

"Spider-Man 3" opens this weekend. I'm getting all tingly thinking about it. But the merchandice is getting out of hand.

Sure, we've all thought about it, but who has the testicular fortitude? One man. He stuck it to Wal-Mart by photocopying the barcodes of cheap items and taping them over the barcodes of expensive items, then running them through the self-check-out kiosk.

Of course he got caught, pleaded no-contest to one count of scheming to defraud, was forced to pay back $100 and has to spend the next 10 weekends in jail. I didn't say he was smart.

The article says he did this over several trips and was eventually caught on tape. My question is how did get past the scales? Every self-service checkout lane I've seen has a scale that weighs each item as you bag it to avoid just this sort of thing.

Hmmm.

It's a running gag around my house that Dollie likes her power tools and big truck. When visiting with the family on Easter, my brother Dan commented on it.

When I was in 4th grade, my family moved back to Shelbyville and occupied the a house they had lived in when I was a toddler. Up until then, I remember moving around a lot and not staying in one place for more than a year or so. The effect was that I was usually the new kid and about the time I got to know of my classmates, I was the new kid again somewhere else.

It wasn't as tragic or difficult as that sounds because young children are resilient and have an easier time going with the flow than adults.

When it finally looked like we were going to be around for a while, I renewed my association Scouting. I was a cub scout in Alabama and had a great time. When we got to Shelbyville, I hooked up with a Webelo den there and eventually joined Troop 390. One of the first scouts I met was Tom Nance.

Tom was a good guy. He was a little older than me I was, so I naturally looked to him for help. You knew right away he was smart, kind and someone who would look out for you. That first summer at Boxwell Reservation, Tom and I spent a lot of time together and became friends.

But, like lots of friends, we grew apart. We both got too old for Scouting when girls became a fascination. He joined the football team in high school and I joined the band. He was a gifted scholar and athlete. He eventually went to college and became a lawyer. He got married, had some kids and made partner in his firm. He's on my mind today because I read in this morning's paper that he died.

I don't know the circumstances of his death. The fact is I haven't thought about Tom in years. I plan on hugging my wife and kids a little tighter tonight.

Lately, our children have been popping back up after being put to bed. They complain that they can't sleep, that they're too hot, that they're too cold, that they're scared, that they hear noises -- any excuse to spend three more seconds out of bed.

Now, when they get tucked in, they are also told to stay in bed and not get up unless there is a real problem. Rozzy doesn't listen so well.

ME:
Rozzy, your panties aren't wet.

ROZZY:
. . .

ME:
How did you manage to wet your bed without wetting your underwear?

ROZZY:
. . .

ME:
Did you wet the bed on purpose?

ROZZY:
[Shakes her head violently]

ME:
You weren't asleep were you.

ROZZY:
I was.

ME:
Well how did you wet the bed and not your panties?

ROZZY:
I just pulled them apart a little bit.

ME:
You wet the bed on purpose!

ROZZY:
It was an accident.

ME:
You don't accidently pull your underwear aside and wet the bed.

This week, I dropped by Krogers to pick up some Coke Zero and they only a single 12-pack on the shelf. Hmmm. That's odd. Two days ago, I dropped by Publix to get some. They didn't have any.

Uh-oh.

Surely they haven't stopped carrying it. By all indications it's a popular brand for Coke. I've noticed it being offered at new venues. Wendy's now offers it. Sam's Club had it at the fountain today at lunch they had it at Chilli's.

What the blue blazes is going on?

Speaking of Coke, I've been slogging through the task of entering in my stockpile of codes for My Coke Rewards. It seems you're limited to 10 codes a day.

I've been looking at the list of "rewards" at MyCokeRewards.com. I have about 650 points right now and a sack full of little red bottle caps with codes awaiting my attention. Currently, I've got my eye on a $25 gift card from lids.com. The main problem with that is that 98 percent of their inventory is sports related and I don't have a "team" as such.

Here's the dealio: I have a degree in magazine journalism. And though my site does not always reflect it, I am trained to recognize good graphic design from so-so graphic design. That is not to say I'm a graphic designer. I'm not. I am, however, a decent judge of your graphic design.

Hey, the world needs critics to tell you why you suck.

Anyhoo, I tend to buy caps based, not on any sort of loyalty to geographic region or team, but on whether or not I like the logo and color scheme. I don't particularly care for orange, for example, so I don't own a University of Tennessee cap.

The only time this is every a problem is when I'm around people who are sports fans. I bought a USC Gamecocks hat. I liked the maroon color scheme and the logo is very collegiate. Evidently, there is some undercurrent of suspicion between UT fans and USC fans regarding some coach or player or something. So whenever I wore it, I would get questioned about why I was wearing it .

So I stopped. The same for my Duke Blue Devils hat. I liked the logo, didn't care for the dirty looks.

My buddy Roy bleeds UT orange. One day I was left the house to visit him without a hat and (bald head, remember?) decided I'd stop by the store on the way there and pick up a new one. We had to stop anyway to pick up some food and there was a sale on caps (I'll quit justifying now).

It was a minefield. I had no idea which caps would get a negative reaction and which wouldn't. I finally dropped $2 on a blank cap. Later, when I talked to him about it, I told him I was considering a Michigan Wolverines hat, but I envisioned him yelling at me "I know you didn't just walk in my house in a Michigan Wolverines hat."

"Yeah, that's pretty much how it would have gone," he said.

So, I'll be choosing my lids.com merchandise carefully. I've got my eye on a nice porkpie with argyle trim.

Former CIA Director George Tenant's book is about to come out. The various big media types have seen advance copies and it seems that he confirms what many of us have thought for many years:

Bush and Cheney had no intention of ever trying diplomacy in Iraq.

Cheney is a jerk.

The White House doesn't care to listen to anything that doesn't jibe with their preconceived notions.

Go fig.

The Tennessee legislature passed a bill making it legal for zoos to sell booze. Take that, San Diego.

Finally, congratulations to my friend Laurie "Crazy Aunt Purl" Perry on the publication of her first book, Drunk, Divorced and Covered in Cat Hair.

I had this roommate back in college named Chris. He was my best friend at the time and we had lots of college-level adventures together (late-night road trips, wild house parties, the usual fare). I've written here about Chris many times. He was funny, sarcastic, scary smart, a voracious reader and devourer of pop culture. He was also a manic depressive who suffered from a dark side that eventually caught up with him. Chris killed himself more than a decade ago.

I've long felt that if he could have held out for a while longer, things would have turned around for him. He missed so much. I know he would have really taken to the Internet, blogging and podcasting. He could have found some more people who shared his problems and could offer better council than I could have.

Occasionally I'll have a dream in which I get to talk to him again. I'm always disappointed when I wake up. Last night, I dreamt I was at a party. I rounded a corner and there was Chris, joking around with Dollie. He looked at me and smiled as if to say "Have I got a story to tell you."

My dream self immediately suspected something. "I'm dreaming," I said. But here's the thing. I managed to convince myself in my dream that it was real. I remember pinching myself to see if I would wake up, but I didn't. When I first saw him, I braced myself against the idea that he was still alive, but instead convinced myself that this time he really was.

It was great. Right up until I woke up and realized I fooled myself again. My first thoughts were of how cruel my own brain was being to me. In my groggy and slightly angry state I made a note to myself to complain. To whom, I have no idea.

Yesterday, I was a guest speaker at a PR class at MTSU. I did my dog-and-pony show for the students, telling them what my day is like, what I do for clients and how they too can be a professional flak. I do this once a semester as a favor to a friend of mine who teaches there. This time around, the students asked some interesting questions and really seemed engaged.

Ugh. Grilling season is upon us and I have yet to fire up the barbecue. My grill is not in shape and I've been lax in my duties. That will soon change as I have ordered a replacement fire grate and ash pan. Soon, I'll be breathing in the smoke and cooking meat caveman style.

That being said, I've recently taken a shine to smoked almonds. I need a good smoked almond recipe, so that I can make them myself, rather than pay those outrageous Planter's prices.

A man dressed as Captain America was arrested in Florida for groping women in a bar. While in custody, he asked to go to the bathroom, where he was seen trying to flush the marijuanna he had stuff in his tights. Also in his tights was . . . a burrito. You can see video of the booking here.

Obviously, he hadn't heard that Col Steve Rogers was assasinated more than a month ago.

Monica Gooding, the Justice Department official who refused to testify before the Senate Judiciary Committee and, through her lawyers, declared her 5th Ammendment rights against self-incrimination, has been granted immunity by the committee. She served as the go-between for Justice and the White House. She is, therefore, in the perfect position to know how the US Attorney purge happened and under who's direction.

Like many of you, I've heard the Alec Baldwin voicemail in which he calls his 11-year-old daughter (among other things) a selfish pig. It is a terrible, terrible recording and I'm sure he regrets it. Here's the thing: it was a private message between him and his daughter. In all likelihood, Kim Bassinger leaked it to the gossip sites in an effort to make Alec look bad.

But it also makes Kim look bad because the one who's suffering is their daughter, Ireland. What's more embarrassing, getting a rage-filled voicemail from your father or having everyone in the country know you got a rage-filled voicemail from your father.

I should also point out that I've said things in anger to my kids that I truly regret and would hate to have a recording of.

Not that I'm on Alec's side here. He was stupid to get so angry at his child. I'm guessing that much of that rage was really directd at Kim, but in any case, ranting like that when you know you're being recorded is the height of stupidity.

(Murfreesboro) Elderly woman falls victim to theft
A 78-year old woman in Murfreesboro filed a police report after realizing she was the victim of fraud. The innocent victim told police a black female approached her in the Kroger parking lot on Northfield Blvd. and showed her a bag that the culprit claimed to contain thousands of dollars. The thief convinced the victim that there was over $50-thousand dollars in the bag and that if she would withdraw $20-grand from her account, then they could split the money in the bag. For unknown reasons the 78-year old woman fell for the gag and is now out $20-THOUSAND DOLLARS. Police say no arrest has been made.

I meant to mention the other day that Max donated part of his birthday money (about $20) to his school's "Walk for Education" program. He can be a very sweet little boy and it's good to see him practice what his mother and I preach about giving back to the community.

The participants begin on the lawn of the MTSU President's residence and walk down Main Street to the civic plaza to take part in the Earth Day celebration. I hope it's a nice fundraiser for the city school system.

Alberto Gonzales has all the headlines right now, but you might want to pay attention to another Republican scandal that's brewing. Rep. John Doolittle resigned his seat on the House Appropriations Committee yesterday after the FBI raided his home in connection with an influence peddling investigation.

Doolittle was one of the members of Congress that Jack Abramoff would regularly hit up for favors. It will be interesting to see how long he's got left. But wait, that's not all.

The FBI also invaded a business tied to the family of Republican Rick Renzi of Arizona. I'd give you more details, but apparently I can't:

Is anyone else as amazed as I am that Bush would hire so many people who can't seem to remember anything? What is it about working in the Bush White House that destroys your memory? Yesterday, Alberto Gonzales used some variation of "I don't recall" more than 60 times. He was trussed up and rodgered by Republicans and Democrats alike.

Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-SC) said his testimony regarding the firings of 8 US Attorneys was "a stretch" and "You said something that struck me -- that sometimes it just came down to these were not the right people at the right time. If I applied that standard to you, what would you say?"

Sen. Tom Coburn (R-OK) said "The best way to put this behind us is your resignation."

Sen. Arlen Spectre (R-PA) said the committee was looking for answers and Gonzales wasn't providing any.

Sen. Jeff Sessions (R-AL) said "Your ability to lead the Department of Justice is in question. I wish that were not so, but I think it certainly is."

It was, by nearly all accounts, a bloodbath. But the White House remains confident in the attorney general, leading me to believe they weren't watching the hearings.

Up is down, black is white, let's move those goalposts a little closer to midfield . . . sheesh.

The mission in Iraq is changing. A recent story in McClatchy newspapers shows that the idea that we will stand down when the Iraqi troops stand up is no longer operative. Training Iraqi troops is no longer part of the mission.

I said I wasn't going to write anything about the shooting in Virginia and I still don't plan to other than to say that I believe NBC made a mistake in airing the footage sent to them by the shooter. This person was mentally ill and viewed all the press received by the Columbine killers as a positive thing. Shooting their fellow students made them famous and cool, so I'm going to shoot some, too.

Hey, NBC, here's my manifesto. Be sure and play it over and over again so the next crazy person who feels isolated can be inspired as well.

Ms. Magazine has an article that helps put a face on the recent Supreme Court decision to uphold the partial birth abortion ban. It is the story of Pulitzer Prize winning journalist Martha Mendoza. At 19 weeks, an ultrasound showed that her fetus was dead in the womb.

Her doctor explained that he couldn't do the procedure because he trained at at Catholic hospital. She referred her to a specialist in the next county who couldn't get to her for a week. A week of carrying around a dead body inside her. A week of bleeding, cramping and having her body attempt to reject the fetus.

Here's the thing: an intact D&X would make it easier for the doctors to tell what happened. Then her next attempt at childbirth might go more smoothly.

The vague wording of the law (vague enough to be struck down previously) has a chiling effect on medical training, places the courts between a doctor and patient and in this case, endangers the life of the mother.

When abortion opponents talk about "partial birth abortions" they show diagrams of healthy little babies being cruelly killed by vicious doctors. They don't show the reality -- that D&X procedures are reserved for cases in which the fetus has severe birth defects, will not survive long out of the womb or in which the mother's life is in danger.

Abortion is a sad and traumatic thing. But it is between a woman and her doctor. The woman has a right to choose whether to carry a fetus to term. These laws are designed to chip away at that right and the result is nothing short of turning women back into second class citizens.

I heard Gov. Bill Richardson on "The Bill Press Show" this morning. This is the first time I've heard him speak. He seems like a strong candidate and a possible alternative to the Clinton/Obama matrix that's forming. At this point, I'm leaning away from Edwards. I'm afraid that son-of-a-mill worker still has the stank of loser on him from 2004.

That's not fair, I know, and should he become the Democratic nominee, I'll support him. But this is going to be an extremely interesting election. The Democrats are fielding an incredible number of strong viable candidates. Meanwhile, the Republicans aren't putting up much competition.

McCain is leading a chorus of war mongers ready to spread the current conflict into Iran.

Guilliani has a series of bad business deals and funny money to contend with, not to mention his support for the Democratic platform.

Romney takes flip flopping to an entirely new level, but he's the only Republican candidate still on his first wife, so good for him.

Limbaugh is firing up the masses. Yesterday on his show he warned his listeners that as it stands, there is an 80 percent chance that Hillary Clinton will be our next president.

Now that the Gonzo hearings are over and the White House has had it's say. The insiders are leaking.

Sens. Orin Hatch and John Cornyn, both supporters of the party line and therefore Gonzales, have come out with a somewhat tepid endorsement: Gonzales' resignation won't satisfy Democrats, so he shouldn't do it.