Man About Murfreesboro - blog - funny - politics

Penny Arcade is one of my favorite comic strips. And I read a lot of comic strips. This one made me hoot because for the last few weeks, I've been unable to enter or leave a store without being solicited to buy Girl Scout cookies. I love Girl Scout cookies. I love Tagalongs, Allabouts, Trefoils and just about any of them. I'm also trying to lose weight and Girl Scout cookies are rich in fat and calories.

So, I made my initial purchase from my friend Lori's kids, then I bought a few boxes outside Kroger's. Now I'm just avoiding them as much as possible. I understand the need. This is the big fundraiser. It has passed into our national lore as an annual tradition. If they quit doing it, it would make international headlines and people would be yelling in the streets.

Tracey, who helps Lori with her group, told me that she's very strict about the cookie booth. She won't let the girls bother people.

"I tell them not to ask because people know why they're there and if they want some cookies, they'll ask for them."

That's true enough, I suppose. But the approach is part of it. You're teaching these kids to sell and no matter what job you have in the future, those skills will serve you well. So, I don't mind the barrage of Girl Scouts asking me to buy overpriced cookies. I feed them to the kids and try my best to resist eating them two boxes as a time. Because, unsupervised, I could eat $35 worth of Tagalongs in a single sitting.

Hmmmmm

The Rev. R. Albert Mohler Jr., president of the The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary -- the flagship school of the Southern Baptist Convention -- has irked his fellow conservatives by coming out in favor of inutero intervention for homosexuality. That is, he thinks you can fix gay babies before they are born.

The problem, of course, is that this presupposes that homosexuality has a biological component -- that you're born that way -- which goes against what the Southern Baptists have been saying for years now.

There are several more points in his post, but I found this one particularly interesting:

I've had the nature vs. nurture argument so often it makes my ears bleed to think about it. My point has always been that, given today's social climate and the fact that homosexuals are discriminated against in nearly every social strata, why would anyone choose to be gay? It seems Dr. Mohler is bracing himself and his flock for the scientific proof that there is a biological component. He's taking a lot of heat for it, but that's what happens when you deal in absolutes -- you leave no room for growth and development.

Adios, Gonzales

Things aren't lookng good for Alberto Gonzales. In addition to the chorus of Democrats calling for his resignation over the political purge of U.S. attorneys, two Republicans have now called for him to step down. Once again, the coverup, not the original act, is what's going to bring a politician down.

The right wing likes to point out two facts: U.S.As serve at the pleasure of the president. Clinton fired all of the U.S.As on his watch. They conveniently leave out two facts: presidents routinely clean house at the beginning of their first term, hence what Clinton did was SOP. These firings happened after Bush began his second term. The attorneys being fired were labeled as disloyal to the White House political machine. Also, the Justice Department had a provision added to the Patriot Act to allow Gonzales to fire and hire U.S.As without getting congressional approval.

But what's getting Gonzales in trouble is that he lied to Congress. Emails are being dumped that prove he lied about his involvement, about Rove's involvement and about the reason for the firings. It's the lying that gets you. Ask Nixon, ask Clinton, as Libby.

Also, if we didn't have a Democratic congress with subpoena power, none of this would have come out. The Republicans would have let Bush politicize the Justice Department and never asked a single question about it.

So Gonzales is finished. We just have to convince Bush and since Gonzales is Bush's buddy and Bush values loyalty above all other traits, he'll probably fight this tooth and nail. He is the decider, afterall. And he could just declare executive privilege and say none of his aids or officials can talk to Congress about this. But that would be tantamount to admitting something was going on that's bigger than Gonzales' claim that thi was an overblown "personnell matter."

A final point. This obscure addition to the Patriot Act was stuck in there at the last minute. The Democratic senators who were planning on combing over the Patriot Act during the weekend before the vote to ferret out these stupid additions were sent envelopes full of anthrax. The investigation into who sent anthrax to the Senate has gone nowhere. I'm afraid to dive into this too deeply because I'll end up with a wall covered in newspaper clippings, yarn and scribbled notes, like that "Beautiful Mind" guy.

Hee hee hee

Prince Frederic Von Anhalt is suing Bill O'Reilly the idiot because O'Reilly, who claims he never uses personal attacks or calls people names, called Von Anhalt names including "fraud" during a Feb. 23 broadcast. Naturally, he wants $10 million.

It's hard to know who to root for here. On the one hand we have a rich old man, married to Za Za Gabor and a claimnant to the offspring of Anna Nicole Smith. On the other we have a rich old man who routinely lies and says stupid things on the air in order to mislead people.

O'Reilly said Von Anhalt is a fraud for claiming he could be the father of Anna Nicole Smith's child. The question becomes does that rise to the level of wreckless disregard for the truth?

Seeing as how the paternity of the child has yet to be determined, then the prince only has to prove that he actually had a sexual relationship with Smith during time she conceived the child and that he was capable of siring children.

Prove those two things and even if the child isn't his, O'Reilly will have to pay up.

What's more likely to happen is O'Reilly will settle, like he did on that whole phone sex/harrassment suit filed by a former producer of the show.

Rozzy will be thrilled

Disney has unveiled a new princess. For those without a daugher, the Disney Princess franchise may be unknown to you, but trust me, it is everywhere. Rozzy adores all things, Disney Princess. The core lineup includes: Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, Snow White and Belle. The extended lineup includes Pocahontas, Jasmine, Ariel and Mulan.

Disney is currently working on "The Frog Princess" which will be set in New Orleans and will feature the first black princess, Maddy. She'll start popping up in 2009.

I have to hand it to Disney. The whole Disness Princess line is a master work. It keeps older characters in the forefront of little girl minds and ties together a lot of history into the Disney brand. Their pink is a little close to Barbie's and Barbie's attempt to cash in with the 12 Dancing Princesses fell a little flat (though there are a few of those around the house, too). But overall, I'd say it is a marketing success and probably drives a great deal of toy sales.

As an aside, I bought Rozzy a Cinderella book a while back. When we went to the counter to pay for it, the clerk, a young Gothic-inspired waif, said she didn't understand why Cinderella was always pictured in that blue dress. She wore white to the ball. Good point. Marketing trumps reality every time.

Ah-HA!

When the Plame Leak case first started. Bush promised a full internal probe of the leak to determine who in his administration was involved. He also promised to fire anyone involved, but that's another story. Today, Dr. James Knodell, director of the Office of Security at the White House told Rep. Henry Waxman's committee holding hearings on the leak that no such probe every took place.

We're talking about the leaking of classified information and the White House didn't even bother to look into it! The president is a liar. Pure and simple.

And again, none of this would have come out if the Dems hadn't taken back the Congress.

Max is not a fan of Avril Levine

Each morning I drive Max to school. We have a ritual. I turn on Radio Disney and complain about the sheer volume of Cheetah Girls songs they play and Max asks if he can call in to request Crazy Frog (he can't).

Radio Disney has some good music mixed in with the crap. They play a lot of Smash Mouth, Bowling for Soup and James Brown. Even the big Crazy Frog hit is cover of "Axel F" from the "Beverly Hills Cop" soundtrack. I actually enjoy Hannah Montanna and the Jonas Bros.

So when some crappy little Avril Levine song came on yesterday morning as I was pulling into Max's school, I didn't give it a thought. There were a lot of cars and, presumably, a lot of Max's peers roaming around outside.

That's hillarious. I turned it over to "The Bill Press Show" and let him out. If I had thought about it, I would have quickly turned it back, rolled down all the windows and cranked it, yelling "Bye, Max! Have a good day!"

I'd have to start watching the show

I don't watch "Curb Your Enthusiasm" because I can't take the uncomfortable feelings the show conjures up in me as I watch this jackass get himself into avoidable situations. It's funny, yes. But not the sort of funny I enjoy watching.

But I know one guy who is going to be a lifelong fan. Juan Catalan just settled a police misconduct lawsuit with the city of Los Angeles. He spent five months in jail on a murder charge that it turns out he was innocent of.

He was at a Dodger's game with his 6-year-old daughter at the time of the crime. His lawyer proved it by showing outtake footage from an episode of "Curb Your Enthusiasm" that was shooting at the game that day.

The tape was time coded, so the lawyer was able to show his client eating a hotdog at the game 20 miles away from the crime.

Gingrich the Newt

It turns out that while he was trying to nail Clinton to the wall for an extramarital affair, Newt was having an affair of his own.

I'm A Lumberjack and I'm O-[glub, glub, glub]

I was talking to a client about green development yesterday when he told me about a company in which he invested. It's a Canadian company called Triton Logging, Inc. They do a very specialized form of logging which is fascinating.

When hydroelectric dams and reservoirs are buit, valleys are flooded. In the process, entire forrests are submerged. Triton has a remote-controlled submarine called a "Sawfish" that swims down, cuts the logs and floats them to the surface where they are harvested.

Here's the thing. Because these trees have spent so much time under so much water, they are already pressure treated. The grains are unusual and the timber is incredibly hardy. Plus, it's all recovered wood.

Very nice.

Who's Watching the Watchers?

The Inspector General will release a report today detailing the FBI's abuse of the broad powers given to the agency after 9/11. The report will note that the FBI routinely flouts the 4th Ammendment rights of citizens by abusing the powers of the so-called National Security Letter. An NSL is used to obtain private information on a suspect without getting a warrant.

	[Justice Department Inspector General Glenn] Fine found that FBI agents used national security letters without citing an authorized investigation, claimed "exigent" circumstances that did not exist in demanding information and did not have adequate documentation to justify the issuance of letters. In at least two cases, the officials said, Fine found that the FBI obtained full credit reports using a national security letter that could lawfully be employed to obtain only summary information.

This is just the sort of thing critics of the Patriot Act said and proponents denied would happen. It's also exactly the sort of thing Bush said he should be allowed to do when he signed his signing statement attached to Patriot Act. This puts the FBI's misconduct directly at the steps of the White House.

The Problem with Cats

My brother Scott wrote recently about encountering a mouse in his house. I left a comment on his blog about how we don't have mice because with three cats, anything larger than a gnat that tries to move around the house is pounced upon and quickly gutted.

What I didn't mention is that the major drawback of having cats is that they tend to vomit in inconvenient places, leading to this exchange yesterday morning.

Rozzy's baby

Rozzy likes to pretend she's a baby. That's all well and good except that she hated being a baby the first time around. She could not wait to be able to walk and talk and move about without being held. We tell her this and she's astounded. She doesn't believe us, but it's true.

Lately, she's been telling us that she has a baby in her tummy. Last night, she puffed out her stomach as much as she could and asked me to look at it.

"My baby is almost ready to come out of my tummy," she said. She also said she was sure it was a girl. She has a name picked out, too, but I can't remember what she told me. It was "Pony" something.

Pizza Problems

This is a crazy time around my house because Dollie's show opens this week. She's doing "Godspell" and, while the kids seem to be getting into it, it's two days to opening night and Jesus doesn't know act 2.

Regardless, yesterday was particularly stressful because it was the first Tuesday of the month. I have an early client meeting, which means I have to get out of the house about the time everyone else is getting up -- leaving Dolls to get the kids to school and to work on time. I do what I can to help on these days, but it's never a cakewalk.

Anyhoo, after a long day of work, Dollie has a long night of rehearsal. I get home as quickly as I can, pick up the kids from her, take them home, fix myself some dinner, get them ready for bed and then try to unwind.

"No," he said. "Not a thing." This is unusual, but not unprecedented. I was exhausted and, while we had a full larder, I didn't feel up to making dinner for everyone. So, I went to my fall-back position and ordered pizza.

The kids and I ate, they went to bed and were sawing toothpicks while I played UNO online with an interesting group of people (more on that later). Dollie shows up while I'm playing. I've got a microphone on so I can speak to the UNO players, so I wave to her and continue my game.

"You ordered pizza?!" she said, then collapsed down on the couch. I finished the hand and bowed out of the game.

"I know I shouldn't have, but I was exhausted and I didn't feel up to making dinner for the kids and . . ."

"They said they hadn't had dinner yet," I replied. "They both ate pizza like it was their last meal."

I added that last part, but that's going to hurt a little.

Dear Strongbad . . .

Max has recently discovered Homestarrunner.com. I showed him a few Strongbad emails and he flipped out. Now he and Rozzy run around saying phrases like "Don't eat mah chicken wangs" and "De-lee-ted."

It's funny. I asked Max if he'd like to send an email to Strongbad. He said he did.

"Great. Come up with a question and I'll help you email it."

"I already have a question!" he said.

Dear Strongbad,

My little sister is so annoying. I bet she's even more annoying than Homestar. What do you think about that?

Crapfully,

Max
age 8, Murfreesboro, Tenn.

EwwwwNO

As I was trolling around the Xbox Live Arcade last night looking for an UNO game, I was put at a table with three others. Two ladies in their 50s, myself and a fourth slot that kept having people join and leave.

The two ladies both had cameras hooked up so they could see each other and I them. We were eventually joined by a fourth person with a camera, but his only purpose in being there was to show everyone his penis.

I'm surprised at how much of that goes on. While this is my first encounter with it, I've heard players talk about a lot. People get online and just have to show it off. Fortunately, there is an easy way to report that kind of behavior and get the person tagged. Enough tags and Microsoft will kick them off the service.

Once the penis guy was kicked off the table, we had a fun game. One of the players had a grown son who was practicing guitar on the couch beside her, so we got a little impromptu concert.

The host of the game, who went by the tag "Muppy" remined me a lot of my aunt Ninah. They both chain smoked and had a boistrous laugh.

Last week I played in a game with a bunch of college buddies who needed a fourth. They were all trash talking and having a good time. They all had cameras as well (I don't). One of them said he needed to go to the bathroom and asked if everyone wanted to go with him.

"NO!!!!" we all said together. But he picked up the camera and walked us through his apartment to the bathroom. He stopped short of actually going in, but we were cracking up, begging him not to show us that.

Good times. Good times.

More soda news

Coke is about to release a new flavor. Diet Coke Plus will be fortified with vitamins and minerals so it's, you know, healthy and stuff.

Disturbing

I read a very horrifying story in Salon today about the treatment of women in the military. It made me want to crack some skulls and I'm as gentle a soul as you'd ever want to meet.

U.S. Funding al Queda

For those who aren't keeping up at home, here is a little breakdown regarding the factions working in Iraq. There are two Islamic groups: the Sunnis and the Shiites. On the Sunni side, we have al Queda and the Baathist (former Hussein party members), backed by the Saudis. On the Shiite side, we have the majority of the Iraqi people, backed by the Iranians and the Hezbollah in Lebanon.

The majority of the government is Shiite. Up until very recently, the U.S. has been supporting the Shiites because they were not the faction associated with Hussein. Now understand this: most of the violence directed at U.S. troops comes from the Sunnis, not the Shiites. The Sunnis are attacking us and the Shiites, the Shiites are attacking the Sunnis. We're getting caught in the middle.

When Bush made his recent announcement that he was certain Iran was supplying newer, more-sophisticated IEDs to the insurgency, what he was counting on was American ignornance as to which side Iran is on. If Iran was indeed supplying these new weapons. They were going to the Shiites, which are the closest thing we have to a friend in the country.

However, Bush doesn't want Iran to gain influence. So, we've changed course and are quietly backing the Sunnis who are going after the Hezbollah. So, the U.S. is now funding groups with connections to al Queda. Seymore Hersh, writing in The New Yorker, says it's all part of the plan for war in Iran.

Bush is using money not authorized by Congress to order covert operations against the faction we supposedly support and in the process is funding groups with connections to the terrorists directly responsible for 9/11. My boss summed it all up pretty well this morning, when I broached the subject of Bush.

Walter Reed (no relation)

The Pentagon is trying to block the congressional testimony of Maj. Gen. George W. Weightman, the former head of Walter Reed Army Medical Center. One wonders why the Pentagon would do that. There can't be any national security issues at stake can there? The guy was only in charge for about six months and the hospital itself is top knotch.

What could possibly be the basis for the Pentagon's dismay? Rep. Henry Waxman, chair of the House Oversight and Government Reform Committee has written a letter to the general and intends to issue a subpoena.

The government gave the contract to manage the hospital to a former Halliburton executive and he screwed it up. Evidently, that's a can of worms the Pentagon would rather not open.

The commander of the American Legion, the largest veterans organization in the country, makes a very good point (and one I wanted to make, but he beat me to it). The Bush administration has cut funding for veterans benefits year after year. The current budget will cut funding again. Bush and the right wing claim to support the troops, but they don't do so where it counts. It's a disgrace.

Guilty

The Libby verdict is back. He's guilty on 4 out of 5 counts. That's prison time, 1.5 to 3 years or so. Or, until Bush gets around to pardoning him. What cracks me up is that the "analysts" at Fox News all say the verdict was flawed because there was no underlying crime. Heh. The crime was lying to a grand jury and federal investigators. The crime was obstruction of justice. Fitzgerald said it during the trial. He couldn't get to the underlying crime because Libby lied about it.

None of these pundits gave Clinton a tenth of the credit they're giving Libby. It's like they think we can't remember things from year to year.

Now that the trial is over, the White House can officially comment about the leak of Plame's name, right? Uh . . . right?

Hilarious