Man About Murfreesboro - blog - funny - politics

Rozzy tried on her homecoming dress for me last night. She twirled around and around and told me how beautiful everyone thought she was. Today, Dolls took her to school so Rozzy could be presented at the pep rally ahead of tonight's game.

I'm going to videotape it and, if I can figure out how to do it, I'll post it on YouTube so the world can see how beautiful she is.

Pull up your dang pants

I've written extensively on how stupid I think the baggy pants style is. I'm amazed at how long this fad has held on. Here's another story on the subject to file away in your noggin'.

Fox News: unfair and unbalanced

Remember that stupid film ABC/Disney produced called "Path to 911?" It was a fictionalized docudrama that layed the blame for 9/11 at the feet of the Clinton administration. If you'll recall, some scenes were cut from the film when Clinton as well as former Clinton officials pointed out that they were false.

The movie was still riddled with factual inaccuracies, but the worst scenes were cut.

Hannity plans on airing those scenes this weekend. Why? I mean we already know they're lies. Why show them? Because this is what Hannity is reduced to -- misleading his viewers with fictionalized accounts.

ABC/Disney has decided not to assert it's copyright and stop Fox from airing the deleted scenes. That's also a little suspicious. Disney has never been shy about asserting copyright and stepping on the neck of a few media outlets that crossed the line. Why give Fox a pass?

I've also read where President Clinton has contacted the higher ups at Disney to get them to stop Hannity. Here's the statement from Fox (keep in mind that the unaired footage was proven to be fiction).

This is so typical of the conservatives. They believe they should show the lie because the lie is controversial. People should see both sides: the lie and the truth and decide for themselves? What hogwash. Here's the thing: if Hannity airs the deleted scenes without a disclaimer that what he's showing is fiction, then those official depicted can sue. Because Fox knows that the scenes are false, showing them without calling them fiction would be what media lawyers call "negligent disregard for the truth." Should Clinton or Sandy Berger or anyone else depicted in a false light decide to sue, the would own Fox News by the end of the financial quarter. Read the LA Times story for more info.

I didn't hit the PowerBall

In fact, I didn't buy a ticket. I kept putting it off. Every morning when I drive to work I see the current PowerBall jackpot. That's how they get you. "Boy, I could sure use $250 million. Maybe I'll buy a ticket. You can't win if you don't play."

Then I say "If no one wins on Saturday, I'll buy a ticket for Wednesday's drawing." But I never do. If I did win it, I'd probably do something stupid with it like convert it all to Sacagawea dollars, pile it up and swim in it like Scrooge McDuck. Or I'd buy a 10-bedroom 53,000-square-foot house. It sits on 160 acres, has a ski lift, an indoor/outdoor pool, comes fully furnished and costs $155 million.

Bye bye Blu-Ray

There are two competing formats for high definition DVDs. Blu-ray Disc, which is owned by Sony (and is standard on the Playstation 3) and DVD HD which is owned by a consortium (mainly Toshiba) and is available as a $200 add-on to Xbox 360. Sony has had trouble in the past with trying to win the format wars. Beta tape is a higher quality than VHS, but because Sony didn't let anyone else use the format (and because early Beta tapes lasted only an hour) they were impractical for home video viewing.

So Beta died in the public marketplace (though it survives at professional video houses to this day).

I wrote recently how the porn industry drives the home electronics market. Sony has made the decision not to license the Blu-ray to adult filmmakers. This means porn producers have to find a workaround through 3rd-party replicators.

This means more sales of DVD HD players. Add to that the fact that Blu-ray discs and manufacturing equipment is more expensive than DVD HD and we're witnessing the death of yet another Sony innovation.

Lunchtime excitement

Today while I was out getting lunch, I was passed by an emergency vehicle. Soon I saw two more. Then I saw I was driving right into a huge mess. I was detoured around it and saw five more emergency vehicles coming from the other direction. I spent my entire lunch hour trying to get back to my office and didn't know why.

Well, that's convenient.

But it seems to me that the timing of this story is a bit suspicious. Here we are on the eve of the SOTU and ABC gets a leak that six months ago, the government found a document that outlines the insurgent's plans for attacking within the U.S.? Am I the only one who gets the feeling that they've been holding onto this story for just such an occasion?

It happens over and over again. Bush's approval ratings are lower than anyone believed they would go (CBS calls it at 29 percent). No one listens to the terror alert color swatch system anymore since former Homeland Security Secretary Tom Ridge said that the Bushies would raise the threat level for political purposes, rather than national security ones.

They don't have a recent arrest or conviction to parade in front of the cameras, so we find out that, six months ago, we discovered the insurgents were planning an attack.

If true, this flies in the face of Bush's flypaper doctrine involving the Middle East -- that we're fighting them there, so we don't have to fight them here. It seems that the insurgents are capable of fighting this war on two fronts, yes?

I'll tune in for the SOTU tonight for a little while just to see Nancy Pelosi sitting over Bush's shoulder. I'm also looking to see if lightning strikes him when he starts talking about fiscal restraint.

If you're interested in what presidents normally talk about in their SOTUs, check this out. It uses cloud tags to represent buzzwords in SOTUs going back to John Adams.

Tick tock

Max came downstairs at about 1 a.m. and woke us up because there were "weird bugs in my bed."

"Uh-uh," he insisted. "I saw it." She nudged me, which is my signal to stop pretending I'm asleep and go put Max back to bed. On the way back upstairs, I asked him to tell me what he saw.

"Nuh-uh," he said. I turned on the light, shook out his blankets and asked him to show me where he saw the bug. He couldn't, so I put him to bed.

This morning, Dolls tells me that she woke up at 3 a.m. and went upstairs to find Max and Rozzy on the couch watching TV. She sent them back to bed. Naturally, when the time came for us to actually get up and get ready for work and school, they were zonked.

Flipping on the lights and jerking the blankets off my sleeping children is one of the great joys in my life. Max told me this morning that he needs a clock in his room so that he won't get up at 3 a.m. anymore.

"There are clocks around the house," I said. "You could have looked at any of them and saw that it was 3. Do you remember waking up to bugs in your bed?"

And the Oscar goes to...

I have no idea. The nominations came out and I haven't seen any of the films. Dollie and I don't get out to the movies much, so come Oscar time, we're not all that buzzed. We tend to watch them when they work their way up our NetFlix cue. I have "Good Night and Good Luck" sitting on my desk now. It's been there for weeks waiting for me to be in the mood to watch it.

Lately, I've been getting DVDs of Looney Tunes for Max and Rozzy to see. Some of the collections are quite good and I really enjoy revisiting some of the classics. I may have to invest in a few of these, just so I can watch "Robin Hood Daffy" or "Deduce You Say" whenever I like.

Bugs Bunny won an Oscar for a short titled "Knighty-Knight Bugs" in 1958. It's the one where Bugs finds the singing sword and fights the black knight, played by Yosemite Sam.

In Dog Years, I'm Dead

That was one of a dozen or so quotes taped up around Lori and David's home last night. They hosted Tracey's 40th birthday party and it was great fun. I spent much of the afternoon in the rain smoking a salmon for the occasion and it came out very tasty.

Richard and Mark brought a huge pan of wings and they were outstanding. The food was all things that Tracey likes, which was great for me because we're both picky eaters. For example, Lori made a stew consisting of nothing but beef, potatoes and a couple of bay leaves.

Badger went with us and I left the Sirius radio on in Dollie's truck so he could walk out and check the display for the score of the Colts-Patriots game. I didn't see one play of that game, but the scoreboard was very exciting -- New England with an early lead, Colts tie it up in the third quarter, Colts down by three with 3:30 to go, Colts pull it out with a TD. Very nice.

Badger and I have a running gag in which I pick which team will win based on who has the prettiest helmets. I don't know that Badger knows this, but this is actually a reference to an episode of "What's Happenin'" in which Rog's friend (the skinny one who said "Hey, hey, hey") used a similar system.

Based on the prettier helmet system, I'm uncertain as to who will win the SuperBowl. They're both old school logos, which I like. But I'm thinking the Colts will pull it out -- despite Manning's tendency to not win the big game.

Badger has a SuperBowl party every year. I'm supposed to go over and help him rearrange and rewire his TV and electronics.

Dad

On Saturday, the family and I went to Hartlan Regional Medical Center in Tullahoma to visit dad. He was admitted last week when his legs began retaining fluid. From what I understand, he has some nutritional issues, a very weak heart muscle and an infection in his legs. They're going to keep him there for another ten days or so.

When we arrived, he was watching the Vanderbilt/Kentucky basketball game.

"That's pretty much what you'd be doing if you were home, isn't it?" I asked.

"I wish I was home," he said.

He said he'd know more about how he was feeling when he was back up on his feet, but right now that was impossible. The game ended with a Vandy victory, but Dad didn't seem to care much. He switched it over to "Gunsmoke" and rested.

Max was sitting in my lap when he noticed the catheter bag.

"That's where his pee goes" he said.

"That's right," I replied.

"So he can just go pee whenever he wants?" he asked.

"Yeah," I said.

"I want one of those!"

"You want a catheter?"

"Yeah!" he said.

"Think about where the other end of that tube is, Max." At this point, he paused briefly.

"In his privates?"

"That's right."

"I don't want one of those," he said.

We left Dad and Judy and met Granny Franny and Grandpa Bear at O'Charley's in Manchester for dinner. They brought us some belated Christmas presents from a family friend. Fran has been informed about this (and she's begun reading this blog) so I feel like I can tell the story now.

For Christmas, one of the gifts she gave Rozzy was a t-shirt that says "If the tiara fits, where it." Fran told us that she hesitated buying it because she couldn't tell from the packaging if it was a t-shirt or a leotard. It turned out to be neither. What it was, was inappropriate for Rozzy.

Grandpa Bear dropped the Christmas presents off, but GF wasn't feeling well, so she didn't come in that day. They rushed off before the gifts were opened. So, we couldn't tell her right away. Dollie wasn't sure how to tell GF without making her feel bad. Last week, GF and Dollie were talking on the phone when she asked if Rozzy liked the shirt.

"Well . . . " Dollie said.

"Okay, there's something wrong, just go ahead and tell me," she said.

"It's a dog shirt," Dollie said. I heard the laughter through the phone from the other side of the room.

"Just chalk that one up to Granny Franny," she said.

What's really funny is that the shirt came on a cardboard hanger with a cutout of a dog's head below the hook, but GF missed it somehow. It will be one of those stories we'll tell for years, I'm sure.

Ewwwwww

Moral judgments aside, the pornography industry has been driving the home electronics market for years. The success and widespread adoption of many of our basic technologies: the VCR, movie rentals, various internet protocols and e-commerce -- are directly traceable to the porn industry.

It has to do with competition and trying to be the first with the next big thing. So, naturally, many adult filmmakers are using HD technology to help them stand out in the crowded marketplace.

According to the New York Times, we may have found the one technology that the porn industry won't be driving.

When we first got our HD tuner hooked up, one of the first things I noticed was that we could see every blemish on the local weatherman's face. The other night, while flipping past "Two And A Half Men" I pointed out to Dollie that we could see the latex edges on an actor's prothstetic lips (I assume there was some subplot about Charlie's mom having collogen injections).

Wal-hyphen-Mart

Since my recent jaunt to Wal-Mart to clean them out of C2, I haven't been back. The local Kroger has restocked their shelves and all seems right with the world. I read where Wal-Mart has spent hundreds of thousands and hired some big PR firm to help them with their image problem.

Take the most recent flap. Wal-Mart has been selling a line of "organic" vegetables. Recently the USDA opened an investigation of Wal-Mart for misleading practices. It seems that the "organic" and "all natural" labels may not mean what they imply. Or, they are hanging signs that say "organic" next to foods that aren't.

Now how hard is it to just sell organic produce? Why do you have to be shady about it? I certainly hope this high-dollar PR firm is giving the board an earful.

Going, going . . .

Bush's approval numbers have sunk to levels that can only be described as "Nixonian." That means that the list of people who approve of his job performance are: his dog, Cheney and my brother, Dan.

65 percent of Americans disapprove of his work. With the State of the Union coming up, Bush plans on glossing over Iraq and, instead, challenging Democrats to balance the budget. I hope I'm not drinking anything when he says that. I'd hate to spray all over my TV.

Over the weekend New York Sen. Hillary Clinton, Kansas Sen. Sam Brownback and New Mexico Gov. Bill Richardson both declared they were setting up an exploratory committee to look into running for president. For those keeping score at home, the candidates so far are as follows:

*actually declared with FEC versus formed exploratory committee to delay the announcement and thus FEC regulations regarding campaigns.

Then there are those in both camps who are still considering it. For the Dems, we have Sen. John Kerry, Vice President Al Gore, Gen. Wesley Clark and Rev. Al Sharpton. On the Republican side, we have Rep. Newt Gingrich, Sen. Chuck Hagel, Gov. Mike Huckabee and Gov. George Pataki.

Her royal highness gets a gig.

Rozzy has been asked to be the flower girl at the basketball homecoming game next week. This will require her to get a new dress and shoes, wear a tiara and hand a bunch of flowers to the queen. She's very excited. I'm sure she'll stay that way right up until time to actually go out there in front of all those people and actually do it. Then she's going to get shy.

ME:
We are not getting a pet chinchilla.

ROZZY & MAX:
Why?

ME:
We just aren't, okay? For one thing, we have three cats. They will stalk, catch and kill a chinchilla.

ROZZY:
We can put it in a cage.

ME:
Keeping a pet in a cage all the time isn't good for it.

MAX:
I want a sugar glider.

ME:
No! You might as well put BBQ sauce on it and throw it to the cats.

MAX:
When one of these cats dies, can we get a sugar glider?

ROZZY:
I want a baby cat.

ME:
I don't know if we're going to be getting any more cats.

ROZZY:
When these cats die can we get a baby cat?

ME:
I don't know, honey.

ROZZY:
These cats are never always dying.

MAX:
When can I get a sugar glider?

ME:
When you turn 18 and I kick you out of the house, you can get whatever pet you like.

MAX:
Yay!! In 10 years I can get a sugar glider and a chinchilla!

ROZZY:
When can I get a chinchilla?

ME:
14 years.

ROZZY:
Yay! I can get a chinchilla in 14 years!

Que?

Pizza Patron, a chain of pizza parlors with a location near the Mexican border, has begun a "Pizzas for Pesos" promotion in which the store will accept Mexican currency as payment for pizza. This, for some reason, has gotten a lot of people in a snit.

I don't understand why. It has been a standard practice all over the world for businesses close to the borders to accept different currencies. How many shops along the Canadian border take U.S. dollars?

When I was in high school and took a tour of Europe, we stopped in a small Black Forrest town called Triberg. There was a souvenier shop there with a charming grey-haired owner who announced to all of us as we made our way into his business:

"We'll take your marks, your francs, your pounds or your dollars. We'll take all your money." It was a welcoming gesture and I'm certain he cleaned up that day.

Take my president, please

The White House Coorespondents' Dinner is coming up and poor President Bush has such a bad public image that they have asked the speaker not to make any jokes about him. How sad. In fact, they asked Rich Little to be the speaker, assuring that there won't by anything controversial said at all. In fact, he won't mention Iraq or the president's approval ratings.

The thing is that there are plenty of conservative commedians they could have gotten who would be just as unfunny as Rich Little, but would at least have added a little juice to the proceedings. Dennis Miller, for example, lost his sense of humor when he became Hannity's court jester. He'd be great for this because he would spend his time bashing Democrats and getting the GOP talking points out there.

Asking Rich Little to take it easy on the president is just weak.

Hee hee hee

The House just passed the Clean Long-Term Energy Alternative for the Nation Act of 2007. This will cancel many of the tax breaks the GOP congress gave the oil industry and put $15 billion into research for alternative fuels. Now we just need someone to go over the Senate and start twisting nipples until they sign a similar measure. Let's put that bill on the president's desk and dare him to veto it.

Bush does the right thing. Or does he?

Attorney General Alberto Gonzalez, faced with having to go before an unsympathic senate committee and defense the NSA warrantless wiretapping program, sent a letter to Congress saying that, from now on, they will go the FISA courts and get a warrant before they start tapping people's phones.

This is both good and bad. It's good because it means that Bush will start obeying the law. It's good because it points out that all those statements made by Bush and his underlings about how they couldn't possibly do this within the bounds of FISA were a great steaming pantload. It's good because, slowly but surely, we're wresting our civil liberties back from those who so callously gave them away.

But it's not all good. For one thing, this reversal comes just as the appelate courts were about to decide on the legality of the issue. Bush had already lost one round in federal court and was likely to lose another. So, rather than force the issue, he discontinued the program -- meaning we don't have an official ruling. We may still get one, but we don't have one.

Also, the letter says that the administration still believes it has a right to violate the law, which means they believe they can do it again whenever they want. So this may not be a cause for celebration. As Glenn Greenwald put it in Salon:

	But whether the reversal is partial or total, reversal is standard operating procedure for the Bush White House. Every time it is about to face consequences for its conduct, it stops doing what it is doing and finds another way. When the Supreme Court was about to rule on the legality of its detention of Jose Padilla, the administration transferred him to a criminal court and finally charged him, then told the court that the questions about his detention were "moot." When the Supreme Court in Hamdi v. Rumsfeld ordered the administration to give Yaser Hamdi (a U.S. citizen) a venue to charge him with a crime and prove his guilt, it simply let this extremely dangerous terrorist go free instead of charging him. This is what the Bush administration does and how it always operates. It has not conceded anything and it has certainly not done anything that mitigates its lawbreaking -- its crimes -- over the past five years with regard to eavesdropping without warrants. The president has been committing felonies on purpose and systematically for the past five years because he wants to. The fact that he might have decided he should stop does not excuse his lawbreaking and must not be allowed to shield him or anyone else from accountability.

The first 100 hours.

The Dems got it done in 87.

A 40 for Tracey

Tonight I begin the long, slow process of smoking salmon for Tracey. She's turning 40 and is having a birthday party to mark the occasion. She has asked several of her friends to bring food that she likes (as this is all about her) and my assignment was to smoke her some salmon.

Which I'm happy to do. I reminded Tracey the last time I saw her that for her 30th birthday, she held a pajama party -- a last bit of youngster fun before she grew up. Just ten years later, she has a house, a cat, a boyfriend and a mad jones for some smoked salmon.

For those who have never done it, smoking salmon is a three-step process. First, you cure it (some people brine it, but the results are the same) in a salt/sugar mixture for 24 hours. Then you air dry it so that the flesh forms a pellicle for the smoke to adhere to. Then you smoke it for several hours over your wood of choice.

I usually use hickory for Salmon. I've backed out the time so I should be able to bring it to the party while it's still warm.

Habeus Corpus

Article I, Section 9, Clause 2 of the Contitution clearly states “The Privilege of the Writ of Habeas Corpus shall not be suspended, unless when in Cases of Rebellion or Invasion the public Safety may require it.”

So why does Attorney General Alberto Gonzales claim there is "no express grant of Habeus Corpus in the Constitution?" Is this the sort of Constitutional knowledge that's supposed to impress me enough to remove all federal judges from terrorism cases and defer to the will of the president?

	GONZALES: [...] The fact that the Constitution — again, there is no express grant of habeas in the Constitution. There is a prohibition against taking it away. But it’s never been the case, and I’m not a Supreme — SPECTER: Now, wait a minute. Wait a minute. The constitution says you can’t take it away, except in the case of rebellion or invasion. Doesn’t that mean you have the right of habeas corpus, unless there is an invasion or rebellion? GONZALES: I meant by that comment, the Constitution doesn’t say, “Every individual in the United States or every citizen is hereby granted or assured the right to habeas.” It doesn’t say that. It simply says the right of habeas corpus shall not be suspended except by — SPECTER: You may be treading on your interdiction and violating common sense, Mr. Attorney General.

See? That's the kind of willfully obtuse "scholarship" we're dealing with here. The fact that the Constitution lays out the only way you can suspend habeus does not mean that people actually have a right of habeus corpus. Unbelievable. Where does Bush find these morons?

Unbelievably funny

"30 Rock" is one of the funniest sitcoms on TV right now. Alec Baldwin cracks me up. He is so dry and sarcastic that it his barbs come out of nowhere. It takes you a second to realize what he said, then you're blowing Coke out of your nose.

It's one of the few shows I look forward to each week. I highly reccomend it.

There she is . . .